RANDOMNADE: One of the most useful gaming sites ever.

I was looking for map overlays for Battlefield 3 and came across what is possible the most useful site for the multiplayer shooter community that has ever been created. That site is RANDOMNADE.com

You’ll have to create an account with them but that is a very small price for the features you get in return.

Randomnade allows you to create strategy maps on the map overlays of your favorite multiplayer games. The possibilities for clans and generally anyone that wants to share their favorite map strategies with the community are endless.

You can do stuff like this:

An often overlooked campers spot (plus its line of site) near the C flag on Grand Bazaar, it's up a set of stairs that seemingly lead to nowhere but there is a balcony there. The road under the flag is a good spot to place mines that almost always yields me a vehicle kill.

Cool, eh?

And THIS is why I won’t play CoD anymore.

Some 20 something mountebank named BFRESH9, bragging about his 19th world rank, gets owned by Woody and dashboards (quits to the Xbox’s dashboard so his stats don’t get recorded.)

I came across this in Black Ops a lot. A LOT. These vile miscreants would brag and brag and brag about their K/D in one exhaustively long run-on sentence and then openly admit to dashboarding in the next. Disregarding the implications of these individuals intellectual levels some of the parents out there have done really exceptional jobs at raising their offspring. CoD’s a wonderful game. The CoD community? Not so much.

Woody quit his job and Ahoy’s new MW3 vid.

WOODY’S GONE PRO!
Woody, the unexceptional gamer, has quit his well paying day job and is now playing games full time. Fucking twat. It’s not enough this smegger has everything going for him, he has to rub his successes in our faces and throw his lucrative career out the door so he can play games all freaking day.

Honestly, I’m happy for him. Woody’s one of those driven people and not one of those driven asshole types either, Woody’s generally a nice guy. If anyone in this life deserves to play games for a living it’s Woody. This is a great thing for the gaming community. For a while there Woody seemed to be mostly concentrating on “cool story bro” videos. You know, those wearisome exercises of ennui in which gaming commentators discuss the meaning of life, the universe and everything…

Really? Getting life advice and politics from people that game for a living? Good luck with that.

All of Woody’s recent uploads have been very informative game play and strategy videos. Granted, this has something to do with the recent release of MW3 as well, but trust me, this is a good thing for all of us. After all, the only reason I waste any time at all on YouTube is so I can learn something. I’d much rather be playing the game than watching someone else play it while they rant incessantly about things they obviously know nothing about because they play games all day.

The old writing adage is “write about what you know,” if you know enough about gaming to be able to do it for a living… Do I really need to finish that thought for you? If Woody’s not already one of your favorite gaming commentators, he should be, so go check him out (and tell him I sent you.)

XBOX AHOY’S NEW VIDEO
Speaking of informative gaming commentators, you might want to check out Xbox Ahoy’s new video on damage in Modern Warfare 3. He’s started a new series of videos he is aptly calling “Time to Kill.” I love me some Xbox Ahoy. I love Xbox Ahoy more than I love the old Chips Ahoy, you know, the ones from when I was a kid, before they started adding all the extra chips and cocoa.

The state of things…

Gina seems to be doing fine.

Much to the dismay of conservative trolls on the forums at Huff Post, OWS is picking up a lot of steam. Cain and Perry (and all of Texas for that matter) are providing comics worldwide with plenty of material.

More importantly, Eric Swett is hacking away like mad for National Novel Writing Month. Less importantly, I’m a bit uninspired of late. Just writing down ideas and no substance; nothing to report here, move along now. The encouragement a few of you gave me regarding the fiction I recently displayed sure put a smile on my face.

I have this weird thing going on with my right arm, it hurts when I raise it parallel to my body above my head and sometimes my right hand hurts when I make a fist. Old age? I’ve stopped working out for a couple of weeks because of it and it feels a little better. But the lack of physical activity has had an adverse effect on my mental state. I have to start up again next week to fight this back and I’m dreading it.

I hopped onto Black Ops last night for a few hours and had fun. Apparently all the douche bags are playing MW3 now. I remember hopping onto MW2 a few months after Black Ops came out and it was horrid; every one was noob’tubing and it didn’t help that I decided to prestige for shits and giggles. Black Ops was a little more serene last night. I wasn’t sucking in every other game, but that’s more a result of all the really good players having moved on than any sort of testament to my skill level! And, seriously, no douche bags.

I don’t think I’ll be investing in the new multi-player shooter releases. I’m sure they are fine games, I’m just not willing to invest that much time into a game to get good and I don’t need one more thing in life telling me how much I suck at something! More so, playing with general population gives me grade/high school flashbacks, memories I’d just as soon forget. I don’t feel I’ve gotten my money’s worth out of Black Ops, I bought the last multi-player map pack and stopped playing and so I’ll be playing Black Ops for a while longer. I’m also digging the folly of Bioshock 2′s multi-player and I am looking forward to the next release in the series. Which reminds me, I need to rent a copy of Bioshock 1 to play.

I downloaded Magic 2012 because I needed something more cerebral. I’ve been having fun unlocking all the cards (on easy, versus the easiest opponent.) I’m not sure how I feel about having to unlock items and abilities in games anymore. On one hand it helps you learn the game. On the other hand, it often takes far too long to do. It becomes more of an issue when you want to go on line and play because the people that have unlocked these items have an advantage over the ones that don’t. You can always pay extra to unlock these features but paying for virtual items that should be included in the price of the game is foolish. I digress, playing Magic 2012 has been helping my analytical thought process a bit. I’m ready to crank up the difficulty and I plan on trying the multi-player soon. I doubt the Magic crowd is full of douche bags. I’ll keep you updated. If you get it, I found this stellar FAQ to help you.

CAMPING: The FINAL & ONLY Definition

WHAT IS A DIRTY CAMPER?
The only time a player can legitimately be called a dirty, low-life, scum-of-the-earth camper is in a Team Death Match or Free For All game.

Finding your own corner of some room or an enclosed space on a map with your ADS trained on the only entrance to the area in these game modes takes ZERO skill and is just poor sportsmanship (even when there are two entrances.) If everyone one did this in these game modes we’d all be sitting around pulling our peckers for 15 minutes. While some of you may find that fun, I find it just gets the controller all sticky.

THAT WHICH IS NOT CAMPING
Setting up camp near an objective, a flag in Domination, the flag in Capture the Flag, the bomb site in Demolition or Search & destroy, the M-COM station in Battlefield, IS NOT CAMPING. This is defending or guarding your objective.

Patrolling an area (larger than a room, about 1/4 of the map,) going back and forth and eliminating any enemy that tries to piss in your territory IS NOT CAMPING. This is controlling or holding down an area.

MIGHT AS WELL TALK ABOUT SPAWN TRAPPING
It is only spawn trapping if an ENTIRE team is camped in your spawn grounds keeping your team pinned down. Not a very sporting strategy but a viable one in certain circles.

ONE or two guys wreaking havoc and confusion in your spawn grounds are not spawn trapping you. Seriously, how can one or two guys spawn trap an entire team? Unless your team sucks that bad it’s not possible. Those guys are keeping you busy while their teammates attack the objective. Providing a small distraction is sound military strategy.

HOW TO DEAL WITH CAMPERS
If the camper is having a good day (notice that I did not say he is “skilled,”) the little shit probably has host advantage (in Black Ops.) The only thing you can do here is warn the rest of your team where his lair is and avoid him. No sense in you adding to his slow and steady killstreak, of which you can be sure will end in dogs.

In Battlefield the situation is not as cut and dry. The maps are larger with lots of prime sniper real estate. A skilled sniper overlooking–or a lone wolf controling an area near–your objective must be dealt with. And they are probably going to have to be dealt with more than once. Avoidance is not a viable solution here.

Use a camper hunting class. In Black Ops, Ghost Pro, Hardened Pro and Hacker Pro. Equip a Silencer and use Counter Spy Plane. Ghost Pro and the silencer keep you off the mini-map. Hardened lets you shoot through walls, campers will always hide in a corner to reload. Hacker Pro keeps you invisible to Motion Sensors, a favorite tool of professional campers. Hold on to your Counter Spy Planes and throw them up only when there is a Blackbird in play. Professional dirty, scumbag campers are killwhores, they won’t run something as useful to the team as the Blackbird, they’ll be running something like Attack Chopper and Dogs. Equip C4 and use it as an extra grenade. Toss it inside a camped room and set it off right away.

In Battlefield 3 there is absolutely no such thing as camping but there are those jackass snipers who like to hang out in the boondocks and pick your team off one by one. Anything that keeps your team from accomplishing its objectives becomes part of said objectives. On some maps dealing with skilled snipers is as simple as informing your own snipers to look out for him and kill on site. If someone has spotted him and/or you are absolutely sure of where his lair is, you can have someone blanket mortar the area. On some of the larger maps it may be necessary to dispatch a squad to deal with him.

Noob tube the fuck out of him, ’nuff said. In Battlefield 3, hop in a tank or some other ordinance ladened vehicle… You get the picture.

Learn the maps. Once you know the maps better you’ll be more aware of where campers like to take up residence. Go into Combat Training in Back Ops and learn to think like a camper. Those bots in combat training always use the most traveled routes. Finding the best places to hide and pick off a bunch of easy targets running by will show you where the best spots are to camp in any game mode.

Also look for the obscure, out-of-the-way camping spots. The ones that overlook the roads least traveled. These places are haunted by the lowest type of camper there is, politicians and lawyers have more scruples than these campers. I’m talking about the chicken-shit, avoid all confrontation, my-testicles-haven’t-dropped-yet, feckless camper. These guys equip sniper rifles and ghillie suits, hide in bushes on the outskirts of the map killing the odd passerby, and patiently build up a killstreak that will end in dogs. You need to find the alternative routes to these places because he will get you every time you come back at him from the same direction, mostly because that’s the only direction he’s looking in.

Once you’ve eliminated a camper from an area, stick around. Find a place to lay low. Campers are generally idiotic creatures of habit. Rest assured, he’s coming back. That should be another easy kill for you. Alternatively you could leave a claymore in that area if you’re fairly sure of the path he’ll be taking to get back.

In Battlefield 3 there is no safe way to learn the maps. Just relax and keep playing. Enjoy yourself and don’t let the game frustrate you. You’ll be surprised at how much faster you’ll get the hang of things simply by enjoying yourself. It is just a game.

WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN ACCUSED OF CAMPING
Just because you get called a camper by some guy frustrated with his inadequate performance or some dumb-ass, clueless teenager does not mean you’re a camper. Stop rushing off to some internet forum to whine about how you got called a camper when ‘you’re not.’ It’s just going to be another useless thread on the same old tired topic of camping and, quite frankly, it makes you look guilty. If you’re questioning whether or not you’re a camper then so are the people reading your post. Brush off his comments and try not camping in the next game.

HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH CAMPERS?
I would like to hear how you guys deal with campers, please leave a comment if you have the time. Not only will you be helping the gaming community, you’ll also give me a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

1/04/12 EDIT: Removed my Treyarch/floating apple gripe because it added nothing to the article and Quo said it made me seem bitchy. I also added some Battlefield specific information.

Tips for Playing To Win With General Population

I’m writing this because I hear a lot of self proclaimed “great” players whine about how they can’t win when playing with general population. If they are such “great, uber” players then shouldn’t they be able to carry a team to victory no matter what the odds? I’m here to tell these people, your team doesn’t suck. You do. Well, more precisely, your attitude sucks. I believe you have a decent chance to win any game if you have a good enough player who is a better leader than he is an egotistical shit.

Don’t be a Captain Sobel. These asshats are the reason no one uses their mics in Black Ops. Everyone wants to win but what most of us want is to just have a good time. Please respect that. Good natured jibing is one thing, abusive, foul-mouthed taunting is another. Yelling and screaming at people, despite what you see on reality TV, accomplishes nothing. The one thing great leaders have in common is confidence. Great leaders inspire confidence in others by encouraging words and positive action. Yelling and screaming at people makes you look infantile. Lack luster. Pathetic. Just because you don’t see anyone with a mic on does not mean that some of those people are not listening. A lot of them are and they are waiting for leadership. The truth is yelling and screaming just brings everyone on the team down, you may have 30 kills in that game your team lost but all that whining and whinging from you during the match contributed more to the team loss than the kid who got 3 kills and 40 deaths.

Mike Keenan didn’t rant and rave, he simply told his boys they should be proud of themselves. He told them to play hard and enjoy the moment.

Don’t be that guy on the team that thinks he’s “Gods Gift to Gaming” and everyone else on the team sucks. He’s not part of the reason the team is losing, the rest of you are. Being confident is one thing, being an asshole is another. In the 1994 Stanley Cup playoffs, the Rangers needed to win the next 2 games or loose their shot at the Cup to the Devils. Before game six Mark Messier stepped up to the plate and guaranteed the win. Mark scored 3 goals in that game and the Rangers won. When Vancouver forced a game 7 after the Rangers had been up by 2 games Mike Keenan didn’t rant and rave, he simply told his boys they should be proud of themselves. He told them to play hard and enjoy the moment. That this is what they all dreamed about, playing a seventh game on home ice to win the Stanley Cup. The Rangers broke 50 years of “bad luck” and won the cup. There is no arguing that there was a boat load of talent on the Rangers that year but the Canucks weren’t a bunch of scrubs either. Leadership won the Rangers the cup that year, above all else it was the leadership that prevailed.

All men and women may not be born equal but that does not mean they don’t have the right to be treated as such.

If your team is doing bad, don’t get frustrated, don’t yell into the mic for people to get out of your way. Encourage the team, nurture them, guide them… LEAD THE WAY. Call out enemy positions, tell them you need someone to help take Flag B, say confidently “Who is going with me to get that flag?” You’ll be surprised at how easily this approach will turn the tide of the game. Talk to the team even if you think no one is listening. Talk TO the team, not AT them. All men and women may not be born equal but that does not mean they don’t have the right to be treated as such. Treat people with respect and mute the ones that don’t return it. Never waiver from your determination to win, never whine and show weakness. If no one showed up to help you cap the flag don’t ask, “where the fuck where you guys?” Say, “OK that’ didn’t go as planned, lets try this again, who’s with me?“

As the self proclaimed messiah of gaming it falls on you to gauge what the team is doing. If three or more guys are focused on capping then be the stalker. Circle the map and take out the enemy on their way to the objectives. You have to adapt to your teams play style. If you can’t go from being a rusher to being a tank you won’t do well in gen pop, you have to be versatile. You have to be the one to try and make up for your team’s shortcomings.

If you can’t do this, do us all a favor then; STFU about how great your are.