Category Archives: Internet Scams
Microsoft understands your frustration regarding our recent decisions to back-door you without so much as a reach-around and to placate we have added a patented VCR Virtual Reality Immersion Experience to the Xbox One so you can play your parent’s old VCR tapes (you should be able to find them at the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused bathroom with a sign on the door saying Beware of Betamax somewhere in your parent’s basement).*****
This new XBOX1dot2 tech comes complete with authentic loud-clunky-mechanical sounds playing in the background during your Dolby Stereo movie soundtrack to assist in the fully patented and immersive experience that is XBOX1dot2. Isn’t that nice of us?
We know your main concern as an astoundingly stupid consumer is how you are going to pay Microsoft and Electronic Arts for being such gracious corporations and allowing you to do continued business with us. That is why Microsoft has made it easier for you and your parents to throw your hard-earned money away on substance that used to come standard with gaming and added a built-in, ULTRA-CONVENIENT coin slot at NO ADDITIONAL CHARGE!!! That’s right folks, you heard correct, Microsoft is eating the cost of implementing this handy-dandy new hi-tech feature.*
And for just $500 more you can have the pleasure of purchasing your very own proprietary Credit Card Reader (comes with one free month of Xbox Live) to make throwing your money away that much more convenient.**
In a rather vain effort to take your needs into account and improve our product for mass consumption, the 1dot2 KINECT now comes with a nice friendly EYE to help make you feel slightly more comfortable while being watched in the privacy of your own home. This feature specifically enhances our new patented VCR Virtual Reality Immersion Experience.***
The XBOX1dot2 will be available as soon as enough XBOX ONEs have suffered the inevitable systematic failure that you have come to expect of a Microsoft product.
* Disclaimer: Additional fees will be charged to your Xbox Live account for the Microsoft employees we will be sending to collect the cash. For an even more immersive experience (at no extra cost to you) these employees will be dressed like those greasy, creepy guys that hung around the Arcades in the 70s and 80s watching kids playing games and handing out candy.****
** Disclaimer: Additional fees from credit card companies and your bank will apply. This has nothing to do with us, this is all about them. We repeat, this is all about THEM.
*** Studies have shown it makes watching your parent’s degraded porn tapes far less creepy.
**** Disclaimer: Candy available at an additional charge.
***** Disclaimer: Microsoft is not responsible for any psychiatric fees you encounter as a result of watching any tapes with your parent’s names scribbled hurriedly on them or titled ‘Summer of 69 Love Fest; the day little (insert your name here) was conceived’ or ‘Super Freaky Deaky Chocolate Love Orgy with Uncle (insert your favorite Uncle’s name here) and Auntie (insert your favorite Aunt’s name here) plus two llamas, several complete strangers & a midget’.******
****** Disclaimer: Microsoft means no offense to Little People–see how we capitalized your politically correct designation there? It’s what you were called back when VCR tapes were the thing to consume and in order to meet the legal requirements of our lawyers (who are currently coked out of their minds and laughing hysterically over the fact we had to write such disclaimers to begin with) we had to make it clear to children what such a tape could be called if their parent’s had stupidly written the tape’s contents on the label. As for the llamas, f*!k what you think, you’re llamas.
This EXCLUSIVE announcement brought to you by The Dead Console Society. Image made for FREE in GIMP. Humorous material provided graciously by Microsoft.
P.S. TDCS is back, smeggers!
Tell our lack-luster, feckless politicians
corporations ARE NOT PEOPLE.
We are the people. Together, we decide the laws.
That’s right America, two big corporations–those entities many of you seem to worship like gods–think that America is far too dumb to handle a truly free and competitive market. I’m all for responsible capitalism, fair capitalism, but we do not have anything resembling that in America. Just a few huge corporations and their buddies in Washington telling the rest of us nobodies how things are going to be.
The following is paraphrased from the PBS Need To Know episode on high fiber optics;
The average American pays just over $40 a month for internet service. But in Britain you can get it for the equivalent of around $12 a month (including phone service). While prices have been falling (in Britain) speeds have almost doubled which means that some Brits are getting 8x the bang for the buck. The reason this is happening is because the market for broadband has been opened up and made competitive. Hundreds of broadband providers all fighting for customers. When the effort started only about 12,000 homes and business in the UK had a choice of internet providers. Today some 6 million do.
“It’s just accepted as that’s the way it is. It’s free market, free competition, doing the right thing. Growing from a small customer base to a much bigger customer base… Overall revenues have grown (you have a smaller slice of a much larger pie.)” ~ Fergus Crocket, Product Director-British Telecom
IT’S THE WRONG THING FOR THE US
“British style competition rules are bad public policy and bad news for consumers.” ~ Verizon
“The same policies would not be equally appropriate to the different markets.” ~ AT&T
British Telecom didn’t like the idea at first either because British Telecom had the monopoly on broadband. Verizon and AT&T are in full support of this competitiveness in Europe simply because they aren’t the big “playas” overseas, without the broadband market being opened up in Europe they wouldn’t be able to get their grubby little greedy feet in the door. Here they have the market cornered so when they say it’s the wrong thing for the US what they really mean is it’s the wrong thing for them because it would release average US citizens from the strangle hold they have on us. This singular, objectivist mind set of American corporate entities is not just bad for us, it’s bad for them too. It’s stifling our progress and numbing our competitiveness.
Thanks to lovekeiiy from PGL for enlightening me.
So I got this comment on one of my previous posts and I thought I’d share it with the community. Times are hard right now for many of us, and during these times people sometimes jump for opportunities that are not there. The comment read as follows;
We really need authors badly. After checking out this article, we really want you on our workforce. We pay out $35-$50 per hour. Our top rated writers are pulling in over $90 THOUSAND a YEAR, writing part-time. Please swing by and see us. http://write.ncsall.org
It’s a scam. You know how you can tell it’s a scam? “$90 THOUSAND a YEAR” Does that sound too good to be true? Yes? Well, that’s your first clue.
The second clue would come if you actually followed the link you’d find that in order for you to make this $90 THOUSAND a YEAR too good to be true payoff you would have to start by sending them money first…
Right, I’ll write them the check just after I finish writing this one for that Nigerian Prince who can’t seem to get a hold of his millions without my 5 grand first.
No legitimate potential employer will ask you for money to start working for them. Maybe in a few more years after corporations and Republicans have completely decimated the Middle Class and re-instituted the truck system they’ll start doing this. Currently anyone asking you for money so that you can begin writing for them and get more money in return is a con-man, a shyster, and a predatory scumbag.
Thanks to Hectic & Harried for confirming my suspicions.