Rest in peace, beloved Gina
I thought I wouldn’t cry today. I thought I could handle it. I thought because she had lived a good long life (for a dog) I was prepared. I thought this would be easier to handle than Oliver’s passing. Than Graham’s passing. I was wrong. So wrong. The past ten months have taken such a toll on my psyche.
I can’t remember the last time I saw her tail wag. I can’t remember the last time she played with her toys.
In the end not only did she suffer with the cancer she suffered through my frustrations. All the times I yelled at her to lie down. To sit down. To calm down… I’m not a good person. She deserved better. She was the best and prettiest dog anyone could have asked for. Stubborn as a pig in mud but that didn’t matter, she was smarter than all of us put together.
I’ll never forget the first day we brought her home. I was watching TV and she was already establishing herself as a very low maintenance pup. She had a huge head and a little body. I remembered that Martin episode where his girlfriend, Gina, got her head stuck in the brass headboard of their bed. And so we named her. I heard a whining behind me, I looked over my shoulder and there she sat, by the door, looking at me. She whined again then stood on her hind legs up against the door, still looking at me. We went out for a walk and she took one of the biggest dumps I’ve ever seen a dog produce! She was so smart.
I feel like I should be saying more. The last 24 hours, especially, were rough. She was so restless, urinating blood and not eating; not taking her meds. At 6am this morning she started to make these wookie sounds at us. I’m hurting guys. This ain’t cool. Can’t you do something?
Or am I just trying to placate myself?
I’m so drained. I can’t but help wonder did we hold on to her for too long? Did she suffer more because of our selfishness?
I’m so, so sorry Gina.
She had the neighborhood kids in her final days. Because of her affliction we were out so often, Gina became a neighborhood Rock Star. I think walking with the children made her happy. I’m so thankful for those kids. We owe them a pizza party.